Loved one, you see My truth is never to hide You can see and feel All that I have inside…
Why should I pretend My heart is free When I know the chain of pain Will never let me be?
I’d love to embrace You had me opened Give you my heart I just fear it is broken…
So frightened I am Life is so hard to go through Staying strong and fearless And staying true…
I feel like crying When you are not near So can you heal my heart Help mending my fear?
Loved one, do you see I’m trying to break the chain I want to live life near you I’d like to let go of the pain…
(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).
Why does my inner child still believe she is apart? And looks for that someone with the key to her heart? That lost little girl just waiting for you to take her hand Believes she can’t survive if she on her own has to stand
But what that little girl just don’t catch Is that no one outside has a key that’s a match All along, I have been the one holding the key The love she longs for is inside of me!
I have to realise that you are way too much in fear The games your mind play mean you can’t have me near I appreciate ‘our space’ but know I have to let you go I have to find my strength, that I to my own heart owe
I owe my heart to be with ‘you’ Who can love me so fully all my patterns undo Who can be authentic, distinguishable from the ‘coof’ A grownup manifesting the love of truth!
Until the day ‘you’ will appear I’ll love my heart and all its fear I’ll be the wholeness of a burning presence For ‘you’ to appear in the light of my essence
Then we can flow into the play of love Manifesting qualities from high above The light will shine through me, and I’ll know I’m not lost Being true to my heart no matter the cost!
I am sorry for creating a world of fury and fire It hurt me when you ignored me and ran away Your detachment made my pain rise higher Couldn’t understand why you didn’t stay
A pain so high I lost my own sense of being The trauma of not having worth Disturbed the truth my heart was seeing A disturbance constructed at birth
But my heart does see you didn’t mean to cause me pain And your escape was never about my worth But just your own paranoia, which was insane And inhibited something new to be nourished to birth
I guess it happened ’cause my soul needed to learn That when losing my heart in a man who can’t stay true I’ll be in hell until the day my karmic imprint will burn Till the day, all my patterns of trauma undo
I do believe I am still with you in your mind And that you are suffering as well ’Cause something was so true and rare to find But the disturbance made us both fell
In the end, the beauty of the situation revealed That it was never really about you to set me free But my own opening within, which used to be sealed That now, I am open to embracing fully being me
Despite I’ll miss what we were and had The bond we shared and the truth underneath I thank you while still being in shock and sad Connecting to the earth under my feet
’Cause I know, one day the contraction will transform Into openness, wholeness and expansion once more When something new is ready to be born and grow The beauty and bliss I will again be and adore!