Original artwork, Original poetry

Chain of pain

Loved one, you see
My truth is never to hide
You can see and feel
All that I have inside…

Why should I pretend
My heart is free
When I know the chain of pain
Will never let me be?

I’d love to embrace
You had me opened
Give you my heart
I just fear it is broken…

So frightened I am
Life is so hard to go through
Staying strong and fearless
And staying true…

I feel like crying
When you are not near
So can you heal my heart
Help mending my fear?

Loved one, do you see
I’m trying to break the chain
I want to live life near you
I’d like to let go of the pain…

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Sometimes

Sometimes ‘sorry’ isn’t good enough
It’s just a word to say when you don’t know what else to do
But what can I do with your words
When my words can’t get through to you?

Sometimes I just need you to hold me
Hold me tight like you never let me go
I want to be the only one for you
But there are many others, I know

Sometimes I fear the future
Will it be alone, or will it be with you
I know I must forgive the past
But how? Please tell me what to do

Sometimes I cry lonely tears
I wonder why ‘cause you are near
Or is it just my imagination?
Perhaps the truth is what I fear?

Sometimes ‘sorry’ can’t heal my heart
I try to forgive but don’t know what to do
‘Cause I don’t trust you anymore
Though I love you, why can’t you love me too?

© 2021 Original artwork and poetry by heartlightpoetry. All rights reserved.

(This poem is from an old collection of mine, written in my late teens/ early twenties during the time of the new millennium).

Original artwork, Original poetry

Healing the Layers Within

I can feel there are layers within me I just can’t reach
Layers of deep sadness there just won’t cease

Even though the outer layers are calm and collected
The deepest layer feels so frightened and unprotected

It longs to feel the sweetness of being
In all I am embracing, feeling and seeing

The sweet nectar of love, union and bliss
Now chocolate and sugar are the replacement for this

Unfortunately, this sweetness doesn’t last very long
And leaves me more empty and depressed after on

Indulging in this artificial and addictive behaviour
I have to deeply realise this is not my true saviour

And dare to feel the deep layers of hurt and hardness
To live my life truthfully in softness and vastness

To not escape the heavy prison of the unsettled mind
But transform it into the loving light and the bliss that is behind

Then even the deepest layer will not be captive of the dungeon’s fiction
And I can start living fully again despite pain, mental struggle and friction

I’ll fall deeper and deeper into the space of the heart
And let every layer of my being fall lovingly apart

Returning to oneness will be the faith of my soul
I’ll finally be healed, blissful and whole!

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

The Key to Her Heart

Why does my inner child still believe she is apart?
And looks for that someone with the key to her heart?
That lost little girl just waiting for you to take her hand
Believes she can’t survive if she on her own has to stand

But what that little girl just don’t catch
Is that no one outside has a key that’s a match
All along, I have been the one holding the key
The love she longs for is inside of me!

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Afraid of Drowning

You are afraid of the deep, afraid of me
Living your life on shallow waters
You are scared of drowning out at sea

You have to have faith and follow your heart
To sink beneath the waves
Where stillness shows we are not apart

You are pulled to me, to the deep blue sea
But choose to ride your boat with speed
Instead of becoming all you can be

I wish you would leave your safety west on deck
And let the water penetrate your being
Surrendering with no fear and no regret

You see, you have a choice between safe and true
Playing in shallow waters and cruising the waves
Or diving deep to find the real authentic you!

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

A Pledge to my Heart

I have to realise that you are way too much in fear
The games your mind play mean you can’t have me near
I appreciate ‘our space’ but know I have to let you go
I have to find my strength, that I to my own heart owe

I owe my heart to be with ‘you’
Who can love me so fully all my patterns undo
Who can be authentic, distinguishable from the ‘coof’
A grownup manifesting the love of truth!

Until the day ‘you’ will appear
I’ll love my heart and all its fear
I’ll be the wholeness of a burning presence
For ‘you’ to appear in the light of my essence

Then we can flow into the play of love
Manifesting qualities from high above
The light will shine through me, and I’ll know I’m not lost
Being true to my heart no matter the cost!

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

A Letter of Goodbye

I am sorry for creating a world of fury and fire
It hurt me when you ignored me and ran away
Your detachment made my pain rise higher
Couldn’t understand why you didn’t stay

A pain so high I lost my own sense of being
The trauma of not having worth
Disturbed the truth my heart was seeing
A disturbance constructed at birth

But my heart does see you didn’t mean to cause me pain
And your escape was never about my worth
But just your own paranoia, which was insane
And inhibited something new to be nourished to birth

I guess it happened ’cause my soul needed to learn
That when losing my heart in a man who can’t stay true
I’ll be in hell until the day my karmic imprint will burn
Till the day, all my patterns of trauma undo

I do believe I am still with you in your mind
And that you are suffering as well
’Cause something was so true and rare to find
But the disturbance made us both fell

In the end, the beauty of the situation revealed
That it was never really about you to set me free
But my own opening within, which used to be sealed
That now, I am open to embracing fully being me

Despite I’ll miss what we were and had
The bond we shared and the truth underneath
I thank you while still being in shock and sad
Connecting to the earth under my feet

’Cause I know, one day the contraction will transform
Into openness, wholeness and expansion once more
When something new is ready to be born and grow
The beauty and bliss I will again be and adore!

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Who Are You?

I don’t know you
Don’t understand you
But what is not ‘you’
What is the true you
I see that
And I see myself in that
That I long to belong to

So why need answers
To who you are?

Because you hurt
‘The little me’
And that little one
Wants answers
Answers to how you could
Leave her open heart
Out in the cold
Just like her father did
Which made her feel so lost

So lost
So lost
Who are you?
Who are you?
Who are you?!

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Healing the wound deep within

I have a wound in my being
Which affects my blood and sight
All that flows through me
All that I am seeing
Is your neglect
Your disrespect
Devaluing my essence
How can I ever trust myself
In your arms again?
How can I end my projections?

I must return home
To heal my wound
So I can start to feel and see
The true reality around me
That you don’t mean to cause me harm
And what I put on you
Merely is a reflection of my inner self
An unloving internal voice
Subconsciously convinced
That I am not worthy of your love

Oblivious to the fact
that I am already this love
That I don’t need you for my
Emotional survival
Break this mirror of illusion
I want to heal my wound
To live authentically again
Valuing, respecting and loving
The essence I shine from within
Shedding this victim narrative
Bringing back my power

The journey has started…

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Midlife Crisis?

Is this a midlife crisis?
Or just awareness rising?
A post-traumatic stress responds
In letting go of all my ‘wants’?

Something has changed deep within
Which releases all that’s been
And opens up for something new
A deeper calling to be true

True to my heart’s stillness and peace
And it’s longing for life in blissful ease
Where all that’s real will stay and thrive
And the old distorted will vanish and die

So is this a midlife crisis?
Or just awareness rising?
A post-traumatic stress responds
In letting go of all my ‘wants’?

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.