Original artwork, Original poetry

Fear

I’m so tired I could cry
I’m so hurt by your denial
Hurt ‘cause you didn’t see the tear in my eye?
Tired because my dreams are flying too high?

Oh, I’m so lonely here with you
I don’t know what I want you to do
I don’t know what I am doing wrong
And how I can keep going on being strong?

I’m stressed ‘cause of fear
And I can’t have you near
Have to live life on my own
With you, you know, I’m too alone…

Have fantasies of us together alone in a prison cell
And where the key is only I can tell
Maybe then you can see my tear
Maybe then I can accept my fear?

Maybe then I can let you come near
And you and I will become so clear
I will be awake all life long
And have no fear of going on…

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Much Further Out

I am much further out
Than you think
So you don’t save me

Only remember the
Good times we had
Can you blame me

For wanting more
Than what we had?

Don’t want to slip away
From the land that is you

Please save me
From the river storms
Before I reach the ocean

Help me
Make the Angry thunder
Quiet

So I can sleep
Safely in your arms again

So I can cry
Without being taken away

From the land
That is you

I am much further out
Than you think
But I guess there’s still time

If I can just stop blaming me
For all the lives I’ve killed
On my river ride

And stop blaming you
For not seeing what’s behind!

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Chain of pain

Loved one, you see
My truth is never to hide
You can see and feel
All that I have inside…

Why should I pretend
My heart is free
When I know the chain of pain
Will never let me be?

I’d love to embrace
You had me opened
Give you my heart
I just fear it is broken…

So frightened I am
Life is so hard to go through
Staying strong and fearless
And staying true…

I feel like crying
When you are not near
So can you heal my heart
Help mending my fear?

Loved one, do you see
I’m trying to break the chain
I want to live life near you
I’d like to let go of the pain…

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Next time

Next time
I’ll stand naked before your eyes
Vulnerable and strong
Have no more room for hidden cries!

An old picture changed
I couldn’t stand the pain
Through it way…

I can’t stand this pain
Put me in my old chain
If just you hadn’t asked me home
Then I wouldn’t have had to see my picture
In a brand-new frame…

I can’t take this fame!
I’m a master at this game…

But next time
I’ll stand naked before your eyes
Vulnerable and strong
I’ll end this game revealing my cries!

No more lies, no more cries
I’ll leave this game
Forget my fame…

Free from pain!

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Alienated

You can only have me close
in my dreams
If only you could have me close
Oh, I wish…
Why push me away?
Is it so frightening to have me stay?
You are hurting me
Go away!

You are just like the rest
Am I the weird one here?
Is it only I
Who show my fear?
Is that the only way to survive
If not go and hide?
Life is hurting me
Let me live on your lie!

I put on makeup
To hide my truth
Hide my insecure
Frightened youth
Manipulating my self and you
With my sexy eyes
But no one is here
To share my cries…

So what’s to do?
Kill myself?
It would help us
Not you!
So shat? You’re a pretender
No horror
Can make you surrender
But it makes me remember…

Remember all the pain
When you pushed me away
Remember all my inner pain
When you let me stay
Always alone
Though I’m with you
If I’ve felt happiness
I doubt it was true…

I am weird
Not because I want to
Because I don’t know
What else to do!
Desperate trapped in emotions
Hurt feelings
Of a lost me and you
Is there really anything to do?

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

Original artwork, Original poetry

Sweet Little Lies

You have given her sweet little lies
To ease her pain
Sweet little lies
No anger, no blame!

But you couldn’t see you sweet one
It was a painful game
Your sweet little lies
Buried my name!

You wanted your fame
So destructive a game
Oh, so much pain
When you buried my name…

I can’t ease my fear
You did her so wrong
Your sweet little lies
It killed all the strong!

You wanted the best
But only for you
Your world was for one
And not made for two!

You wanted your fame
So destructive a game
Oh, so much pain
When you buried my name…

Your sweet little lies
I can’t have them near
They bring so much pain
They bring so much fear!

You eased her from pain
I don’t think it’s true
Your sweet little lies
They only eased you!

You wanted your fame
So destructive a game
Oh, so much pain
When you buried my name…

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

Original artwork, Original poetry

Sometimes

Sometimes ‘sorry’ isn’t good enough
It’s just a word to say when you don’t know what else to do
But what can I do with your words
When my words can’t get through to you?

Sometimes I just need you to hold me
Hold me tight like you never let me go
I want to be the only one for you
But there are many others, I know

Sometimes I fear the future
Will it be alone, or will it be with you
I know I must forgive the past
But how? Please tell me what to do

Sometimes I cry lonely tears
I wonder why ‘cause you are near
Or is it just my imagination?
Perhaps the truth is what I fear?

Sometimes ‘sorry’ can’t heal my heart
I try to forgive but don’t know what to do
‘Cause I don’t trust you anymore
Though I love you, why can’t you love me too?

© 2021 Original artwork and poetry by heartlightpoetry. All rights reserved.

(This poem is from an old collection of mine, written in my late teens/ early twenties during the time of the new millennium).

Original artwork, Original poetry

A Pray for Love

If you just were here today
I would do anything to make you stay
But you are always so far away
The only thing I can do is pray

Pray to God that you will see
That it is meant to be you and me
Oh God, I’m too free
It can’t be the way it has to be

It has to be something more
Than just another open door
I can’t describe what it was I saw
I just never felt this way before

Before I saw this new start
I was totally apart
You said you were a doctor, so smart
And then I gave you my broken heart

But you couldn’t see it was a broken one
‘Cause doctor, you just said for fun
And I was shining like a sun
‘Cause I had found my loved one

But things couldn’t be my way
I could not stay
I just hope to see you again one day
Oh God, I pray

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

(This poem is from an old collection of mine, written in my late teens/ early twenties during the time of the new millennium).

Original artwork, Original poetry

The Key to Her Heart

Why does my inner child still believe she is apart?
And looks for that someone with the key to her heart?
That lost little girl just waiting for you to take her hand
Believes she can’t survive if she on her own has to stand

But what that little girl just don’t catch
Is that no one outside has a key that’s a match
All along, I have been the one holding the key
The love she longs for is inside of me!

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

The Only Picture Left of You

I stroke your chin on my mobile phone
The only picture left of you
Reality hit so hard, I had to face the truth
Our love was never cut in stone…

I look in your eyes on my mobile phone
The only picture left of you
Why couldn’t you be the man I adored?
I saw your potential but should have known…

I kiss your lips on my mobile phone
The only picture left of you
I still feel your presence so strong
But our love was only on loan…

I hold your essence on my mobile phone
The only picture left of you
I feel the void, a contraction in my being
Painfully cutting deep to the bone!

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.