Original artwork, Original poetry

Illusionary You

I have to throw up
Throw up all that I have inside
Throw up all my feelings!

Never shall I eat again
Eat the sadness of expectations
The sadness of an illusionary you!

All the time I’m breathing in my thoughts
My beliefs, breathing in my visions
I want to stop breathing all these feelings!

Never again shall I turn victimised
Victimised in the situation of you and I
An illusion that hurts me all the time

So I have to throw up
Throw up all I have inside
For every day, I’ve been fooled!

Then again I shall breathe in
All that I see is pure in me
And so release the illusion of you!

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Sorry, Thank You

Sorry for the tears you didn’t understand
For the feelings that were too far from land
For the love, you weren’t ready to receive
For being only in your own belief

Sorry for realising you were not right
Sorry for the pain I didn’t see, or have denied
Can’t see clearly for the tear in my eye
We both know it’s time to say goodbye

Thank you for the tears you took in
For the feelings, you didn’t judge as a sin
For the love, you were ready to give
For the love, you were ready to receive

Thank you for trying even though I had to go
For filling my heart and letting it grow
Please tell me I won’t fait in your heart
That we’ll be together even though we’ll be apart

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Blind Way

I’m crying
You turn your eyes
I’m hurting
You laugh, I die
I’m bleeding
Forever inside!

Our love is walking
On a blind way…

I’m screaming
But can’t escape my pain
You’re laughing
I must be going insane
Have I ever felt this way?
You are scaring me

But I’ll stay with you
On the blind way…

I’m crying
You turn your eye
I’m hurting
You laugh, I die!
Can’t give up my fight
Please tell me how to walk away

How to walk away
From the blind way…

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Cold Man

If you don’t accept it’s your life
You’ll never get what you want
Never feel satisfied with what you have
With me in your life or not, you’ll be sad

When accepting things as they are
They are actually not so bad
If you always want more than you have
You’ll only be lonely and sad…

Being cold only makes it worse
You hurt yourself as much as me
Believe in yourself and your life
Set your happiness free!

Inside you know you are cold
Believing it’s the only way to survive
Stop running away from yourself
Don’t let your words be a lie!

Why punish me for your dissatisfaction
Please realise it’s not me but you
I’m sorry when things have been hard
But only you can change what you do!

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Picture

That’s her life
I hope she is happy
Wonder if she knows
She’s got it?

Life living life
With mirrors
Breathing in
Out she goes…

That is her move
That is her light
Wonder if her choice
One day will end her cries?

Feelings with feelings
All-around
Never see the places
Always hear a sound…

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Love

I love sitting
With you
In the airport terminal
So excited about
Where we are going to go
Together…

I love standing
With you
At the train station
Ready to go
Out where we
Have never been before
Together…

I love l lying
With you
In our bed
Ready to feel
What we have never
Felt before
Together…

I love
The smile in your eyes

I love
the strength of your life

I love
Your love has no size

With you I am
With you I stand
With you I see
All the beauty in me…

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Fear

I’m so tired I could cry
I’m so hurt by your denial
Hurt ‘cause you didn’t see the tear in my eye?
Tired because my dreams are flying too high?

Oh, I’m so lonely here with you
I don’t know what I want you to do
I don’t know what I am doing wrong
And how I can keep going on being strong?

I’m stressed ‘cause of fear
And I can’t have you near
Have to live life on my own
With you, you know, I’m too alone…

Have fantasies of us together alone in a prison cell
And where the key is only I can tell
Maybe then you can see my tear
Maybe then I can accept my fear?

Maybe then I can let you come near
And you and I will become so clear
I will be awake all life long
And have no fear of going on…

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Much Further Out

I am much further out
Than you think
So you don’t save me

Only remember the
Good times we had
Can you blame me

For wanting more
Than what we had?

Don’t want to slip away
From the land that is you

Please save me
From the river storms
Before I reach the ocean

Help me
Make the Angry thunder
Quiet

So I can sleep
Safely in your arms again

So I can cry
Without being taken away

From the land
That is you

I am much further out
Than you think
But I guess there’s still time

If I can just stop blaming me
For all the lives I’ve killed
On my river ride

And stop blaming you
For not seeing what’s behind!

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Chain of pain

Loved one, you see
My truth is never to hide
You can see and feel
All that I have inside…

Why should I pretend
My heart is free
When I know the chain of pain
Will never let me be?

I’d love to embrace
You had me opened
Give you my heart
I just fear it is broken…

So frightened I am
Life is so hard to go through
Staying strong and fearless
And staying true…

I feel like crying
When you are not near
So can you heal my heart
Help mending my fear?

Loved one, do you see
I’m trying to break the chain
I want to live life near you
I’d like to let go of the pain…

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Next time

Next time
I’ll stand naked before your eyes
Vulnerable and strong
Have no more room for hidden cries!

An old picture changed
I couldn’t stand the pain
Through it way…

I can’t stand this pain
Put me in my old chain
If just you hadn’t asked me home
Then I wouldn’t have had to see my picture
In a brand-new frame…

I can’t take this fame!
I’m a master at this game…

But next time
I’ll stand naked before your eyes
Vulnerable and strong
I’ll end this game revealing my cries!

No more lies, no more cries
I’ll leave this game
Forget my fame…

Free from pain!

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.