Original artwork, Original poetry

Can’t Escape the Pain

No drugs can release the feeling of depression and fear
Why do I lose myself so much when you are not here?
I wish I could drown my feelings in sugar and drugs
Though in truth, I know what I need is my own love and hugs

Why have I left myself so isolated and frozen?
Why has my soul this lonely life chosen?
So dissociated, so sad and confused
Feeling fatigued, frustrated, used

The same soundtrack of melancholic lines
Repeatedly display my thoughts and rewind
All the unhappy places I wished I left behind
It consumes my being, the truth of love I cannot find

Feeling sick to the bone in your absence of presence
I said I’d be fine, but that’s only true when I live from my essence
And the opening in my heart when you were here
Left a hole of emptiness, struggle and despair

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Karma Release

I know they didn’t mean to cause me sorrow and pain
But it’s so deeply ingrained that it flows through my veins
It’s a karmic imprint at the base of my being
The truth of love and light I no longer am seeing

Like a crack in a clay jaw, a ray of light might occasionally shine through
But only with the idea and thought of an imaginary you
You who could love the unloved, who could be all that I need
But in truth, it’s just an illusion with an unstoppable hunger I feed

The sorrow and pain they put me through growing up
Has left a reservoir of disturbed emotions keeping my lifeforce stuck
It’s like a filter of hurt to watch the world trough
So what they did back then, I now see in you too

I know you told me you didn’t mean to cause me harm and sadness
But the story repeats in my head’s heavy madness
I wanna break free, find the strength to undo what I am seeing
To crack the jaw open, so light of love can flow through my being

The flow of love shall come from deep within my heart
So I no longer look outward for healing my broken parts
To recognise the truth that everyone just wanna be love
But life broke them too, so they had no more to give of

So I’ll practise ending my story of love being mugged
A narrative of abandonment, of someone broken and unloved
I’ll remove the filter from the eyes of my being
So what no longer serves me, I am lovingly freeing

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Lost My True Being

This is not my true face, but it is all you are seeing
Not recognising my softness, my bliss, my true being
Can I blame you when all you see is this dark shield of sorrow?
The anger and sadness have killed my hope for a better tomorrow

My eyes are so red from crying you can’t see the blue
The union of love where I was there with you
My skin has turned black from the thoughts in my mind
I long for my true being that I am not able to find

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

My Own Reflection

I know you don’t want contact
‘Cause you’re going through your own stuff
But being without you also feels rough
After being in presence, after opening up

Why do you feel the need to retreat
Can’t you be open when being in need?
This pattern of being all and then non
Is a pattern we share, but it’s not very fun

What does it take to undo this imprint of relating
So I no longer live my life longing and waiting?
I need to deeply realise that you are just a projection
That in truth, you are nothing but my own reflection

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Don’t You Care?

I know you don’t wanna hear from me
‘Cause your life fills you up
But I am walking around alone in the night
Longing to tell you my heart is in shock
That I am encaged with sadness and fright

It pains me you vanished when I needed you here
To share how much hurt he has caused me
That it saddens my heart, that it’s too hard to bear
But you’re oblivious to what you can’t feel or see
What does this mean? Do you really not care?

The feelings of falling short echoes through my mind
When your presence is so disturbed and mistuned
I am penetrated with a feeling that you do not care
No longer present or with my heart attuned
Not sure if I any longer your absence can bear

I know I my own presence must find
To take care of the hurt penetrating my being
To let go of the idea that you should come to my rescue
That it is my own love for myself and my sons that is freeing
The aversions, the longing, the soul-pain tattoo

So I am walking at night with my son in my hand
Kissed by the mild wind and the soft sound of the waves
Don’t really want to go back to our home
At sea, I feel free; back there, I’m encaged
‘Cause at home his madness turn my being to stone

The lesson is now how to stay free and strong
Through the fire and fury, he puts me through
And how not to lose touch of my own blissful being
Even in the absence, I so clearly feel from you
That I am the one my heart longs to be seeing

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Anger

You destroy our love with your anger and rage
Your damaged mind keep me encaged
You force me to leave and force me to stay
Force me to listen, to look, to obey

Your anger so violently perfuses my space
My heart closes down while you argue your case
Screaming, demanding, but in truth falling short
A master of destruction while you bring me to court

Asking me to justify a lifetime of hurt and unfairness
Your victimhood story on repeat without any awareness
I don’t want your pain, anger and frustration under my skin
I am not your perpetrator, your enemy, your mental bin

Your powerful energies of destruction get trapped
In my body as hardness, my lifeforce gets tapped
It activates so much fear in my mind, and being
Your destructive energies are all that I am seeing

I run away to let the wind of peace blow my fears away
But when I return home ‘the angry Hulk’ shows his dismay
In a blink of an eye, you raise your hand in furry and fire
A scary scene from my life filled with sadness, fear and dire

You chase me through the darkness, and I can’t get away
Like a horror movie, you hunt me down and force me to stay
Screams like a psycho lost all control and sense of decency
Your anger and fury is the cause of my heart’s vacancy

Beneath your anger, I do know there is sorrow and sadness
But please stop blaming me for all your mental madness
Stop forcing me to be a certain way to please your will
Keep acting this way, and my affection and love, you will kill!

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Silence

Silence heals
When I look into your eyes
The story stills
No closure, no lies

Silence undo
When I feel your being
Apart we are together too
Truth of oneness I’m seeing

Silence opens
And spears my illusions
I feel your love
The end of confusion

Silence creates
A space of beauty and bliss
No need to escape
My longing is this

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Longing for Oneness

Paralysed when I don’t hear from you
My words of insecurity I can’t undo
Tough as concrete but nothing new
You are not just one but quite a few!

The story is the same with many different faces
But seeing it in you, I can’t look at other places
I want you back in my life, as with my presence
When will I fully be love? Be fully my essence?

Will you come back and be my heart’s vocation?
Or must I stay forever in this prison of penalisation?
Or is my freedom in the ‘not escaping’ sensation?
Life is freedom if not lived in paralysing separation

In longing for oneness, I see I long for you ‘man’
who can open my being; is it something you can?
And can I let you love me fully into fluidity once again?
Then my love will expand without being sprained

I often wonder if my longing for hearing from you
Could be healed just by deeply knowing my blue
In reality, is a gateway to my heartbeating’s glue
Realising being with myself IS to be with you too

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Scars

Scars on my body I’ve been afraid to share
If you would reject me, I couldn’t bear
I try all I can to heal the unloved and damaged
but the scars of my life let my freedom banished

Scars on my soul I’ve been afraid to share
If you would in truth turn out not to care
I try to heal the distorted, the needy vanity
but the scars of my life throws me into insanity

Scars in my heart I’ve been afraid to share
If you of my loneliness became aware
I try so hard to heal the void in my heart
by loving my scars, to love them as art

Thanking the scars for playing their part
In showing me where I from love am apart
For their unspoken ability to tell me the truth
“We, your scars, are your story but not truly you”

Original artwork, Original poetry

The Carousel of Love

So here I am again, thrown off the carousel of love
Lying here on my own with bruises no one knows of
Why was I not able to hold on to this magnificent ride?
I melted in your sweetness, was ready to pay the price

And even though I am now experienced in these hard crash landings
I still believe I fell with a dizzy head full of misunderstandings
And I believe, if I could just find clarity deep within my heart
We would still be on the ride together, not being separate, apart

But when I listen to the intuition of my soul and being
I know there’s something deep within I keep myself from seeing
And If I could just make the prison guards of my heart look away
I would ride the carousel of love with you again one day

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.