The whole existence evaporated between the cracks Of the tattered and overheated shaky grounds Just by looking at him and how he silently reacts She could predict the explosions of vibrational sounds
She fell in between the cracks and pulled their future with her While his screams sealed the ground with her resistance Shaken to her core by just the slightest vibrational stir She couldn’t find her way back despite their child’s insistence
All she wanted was to escape from the blisters and burns The emotional lava had left on her body and mind Her eyes so scared it clouded what her heart so clearly yearns An ever-present peace -and joy of the true reality behind
In realising she was bruised , he showed his remorse and regret He never intended to shatter their souls with his vibrational sounds His being then offered a bride to a truth he never before had said Bringing hope and love back to life, despite living on shaky grounds
Beyond the conceptual world, I see Is a truth reflected deep inside of me That I am the one creating this madness The war, the fighting, the unstoppable sadness
So instead of pushing for change in the world, I live in Holding on to ideas of what should have been I hold my gaze at the war in my being Lovingly caring for the wounded soldiers, I am freeing
All my inner soldiers of hurt, blame and reject I let them recover deep inside my chest And when they feel ready to let down their armour The world I create is one so much more calmer
The mass awareness of love is built on this belief That love is something to seek on the outside And that this love is the cause of our agony and grief
It is so crazy how many of us spend our lives searching For the key to intimacy with another being When this kind of ‘love’ is so unfulfilled and lurching
We lost touch with our deepest nature and truth That without our mind’s stories of ‘what should have been’ We would live each moment fulfilled with no need to soothe
In realising we are sole owners of our own making We see the pain we convince our self another is causing Is not the truth, that they are only partaking
Partaking in the vibrational frequency, WE are creating Our unconsciousness projects it outward And only feels complete in this surface relation
But as long as we only identify with this surface shell Who thinks it has to have something from others We create our own dungeon; we create our own hell
Being unable to see the truth for the encapsulating smoke We do not realise we are not victims of circumstances That we are not an uninvited guest, nor a beggar or a joke
Being fully human takes a lot of courage and trust in the Divine But in moments of losing faith, we forget the essential That honouring truth will bring forward a life more than ‘just fine’
In awakening to love, the essence in another is all we are seeing Judging no one and needing nothing else than what is Surrendering to life creates true love amongst every being
The separated, crying, longing, depressed shell of a soul Then transforms through the pain into a deeper beautiful being In realising oneness, we’ll finally be fulfilled, blissful and whole
So, this is how we communicate now? On public forums as the place? It is so easy, isn’t it? When in real life, you show a totally different face!
Your beautiful words, “I see you, I love you”, turn into a comedy when in real life, you can’t handle my vulnerability!
Despite accepting that what has happened has been a shock You tell me to get over it – to suck it up!
“Get over yourself – being alone with the kids was hard on me too” Is this now a competition? Is this how you want me to meet you?
Yes, it was hard- your brain clearly showed you couldn’t handle the strain But in scolding me for sharing my heart – what are you trying to gain?
Seeing you become defensive and judgmental to the bone when being vulnerable myself makes my heart small and turn into stone!
When sharing with you my fantasies of being alone or running away it is only ‘course I long for you to hold me and say that things will be okay
You can’t force my feelings away with anger or spiritual dissonancy They persist as long as you deny to hold them in real life’s poetry
I just long for you to show me that you can see and understand When I can’t communicate in words, that you can just “BE” with what I am
But you get angry and hurt, blaming and defending instead “you don’t see me – and I don’t need to share what is in my head”
You try to fix me by telling me to be with what IS – find the strength to stay But when my life is bleeding, on so many levels, you run away…
And I don’t need you to fix me or give me space – it just shows you don’t understand what my heart longs for in a relationship with MAN
‘BE present’ is not the same as suppressing the ghosts from the past REAL change happens when we are soft, loving and vast
You don’t seem to get that when my system broke It was not just caused by the shock of you having a stroke!
Don’t let your own guilt tell me that I am stuck in a moment that has been! It is the challenges of coping with everyone’s frustration that leave me struggling!
It is not either because I am ‘on a constant mission’ – your words, not mine! BE present yourself, BE love and compassion – and I might feel fine!
You see, that is why I tell you that you don’t see me through The moment is NOW and has nothing to do with you!
You are not the main character in the story of my life! I am alone on my journey as me, a mother and wife!
I wish I could travel on that journey with you holding my hand But how is that possible with my feelings being banned?
I do see the lights that we are, but don’t reject my shadow of reflection It will not advance our love’s ecological succession
We are both playing the victim game when not being fully aware That the support and love we long for is already here!
(This poem is a reply to another blogger’s poem “Be Present” and was created about 1.5 years back. Besides the eulogy to my father, It was the first poem written after a 20-year-old break in writing poetry, and just like my earliest creations, inspired by a very challenging time of my life).
I have to throw up Throw up all that I have inside Throw up all my feelings!
Never shall I eat again Eat the sadness of expectations The sadness of an illusionary you!
All the time I’m breathing in my thoughts My beliefs, breathing in my visions I want to stop breathing all these feelings!
Never again shall I turn victimised Victimised in the situation of you and I An illusion that hurts me all the time
So I have to throw up Throw up all I have inside For every day, I’ve been fooled!
Then again I shall breathe in All that I see is pure in me And so release the illusion of you!
(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).
Sorry for the tears you didn’t understand For the feelings that were too far from land For the love, you weren’t ready to receive For being only in your own belief
Sorry for realising you were not right Sorry for the pain I didn’t see, or have denied Can’t see clearly for the tear in my eye We both know it’s time to say goodbye
Thank you for the tears you took in For the feelings, you didn’t judge as a sin For the love, you were ready to give For the love, you were ready to receive
Thank you for trying even though I had to go For filling my heart and letting it grow Please tell me I won’t fait in your heart That we’ll be together even though we’ll be apart
(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).
I’m crying You turn your eyes I’m hurting You laugh, I die I’m bleeding Forever inside!
Our love is walking On a blind way…
I’m screaming But can’t escape my pain You’re laughing I must be going insane Have I ever felt this way? You are scaring me
But I’ll stay with you On the blind way…
I’m crying You turn your eye I’m hurting You laugh, I die! Can’t give up my fight Please tell me how to walk away
How to walk away From the blind way…
(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).
I love sitting With you In the airport terminal So excited about Where we are going to go Together…
I love standing With you At the train station Ready to go Out where we Have never been before Together…
I love l lying With you In our bed Ready to feel What we have never Felt before Together…
I love The smile in your eyes
I love the strength of your life
I love Your love has no size
With you I am With you I stand With you I see All the beauty in me…
(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).
I’m so tired I could cry I’m so hurt by your denial Hurt ‘cause you didn’t see the tear in my eye? Tired because my dreams are flying too high?
Oh, I’m so lonely here with you I don’t know what I want you to do I don’t know what I am doing wrong And how I can keep going on being strong?
I’m stressed ‘cause of fear And I can’t have you near Have to live life on my own With you, you know, I’m too alone…
Have fantasies of us together alone in a prison cell And where the key is only I can tell Maybe then you can see my tear Maybe then I can accept my fear?
Maybe then I can let you come near And you and I will become so clear I will be awake all life long And have no fear of going on…
(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).
Heartlight Poetry 