Original artwork, Original poetry

Lost My True Being

This is not my true face, but it is all you are seeing
Not recognising my softness, my bliss, my true being
Can I blame you when all you see is this dark shield of sorrow?
The anger and sadness have killed my hope for a better tomorrow

My eyes are so red from crying you can’t see the blue
The union of love where I was there with you
My skin has turned black from the thoughts in my mind
I long for my true being that I am not able to find

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

My Own Reflection

I know you don’t want contact
‘Cause you’re going through your own stuff
But being without you also feels rough
After being in presence, after opening up

Why do you feel the need to retreat
Can’t you be open when being in need?
This pattern of being all and then non
Is a pattern we share, but it’s not very fun

What does it take to undo this imprint of relating
So I no longer live my life longing and waiting?
I need to deeply realise that you are just a projection
That in truth, you are nothing but my own reflection

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Don’t You Care?

I know you don’t wanna hear from me
‘Cause your life fills you up
But I am walking around alone in the night
Longing to tell you my heart is in shock
That I am encaged with sadness and fright

It pains me you vanished when I needed you here
To share how much hurt he has caused me
That it saddens my heart, that it’s too hard to bear
But you’re oblivious to what you can’t feel or see
What does this mean? Do you really not care?

The feelings of falling short echoes through my mind
When your presence is so disturbed and mistuned
I am penetrated with a feeling that you do not care
No longer present or with my heart attuned
Not sure if I any longer your absence can bear

I know I my own presence must find
To take care of the hurt penetrating my being
To let go of the idea that you should come to my rescue
That it is my own love for myself and my sons that is freeing
The aversions, the longing, the soul-pain tattoo

So I am walking at night with my son in my hand
Kissed by the mild wind and the soft sound of the waves
Don’t really want to go back to our home
At sea, I feel free; back there, I’m encaged
‘Cause at home his madness turn my being to stone

The lesson is now how to stay free and strong
Through the fire and fury, he puts me through
And how not to lose touch of my own blissful being
Even in the absence, I so clearly feel from you
That I am the one my heart longs to be seeing

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry


You destroy our love with your anger and rage
Your damaged mind keep me encaged
You force me to leave and force me to stay
Force me to listen, to look, to obey

Your anger so violently perfuses my space
My heart closes down while you argue your case
Screaming, demanding, but in truth falling short
A master of destruction while you bring me to court

Asking me to justify a lifetime of hurt and unfairness
Your victimhood story on repeat without any awareness
I don’t want your pain, anger and frustration under my skin
I am not your perpetrator, your enemy, your mental bin

Your powerful energies of destruction get trapped
In my body as hardness, my lifeforce gets tapped
It activates so much fear in my mind, and being
Your destructive energies are all that I am seeing

I run away to let the wind of peace blow my fears away
But when I return home ‘the angry Hulk’ shows his dismay
In a blink of an eye, you raise your hand in furry and fire
A scary scene from my life filled with sadness, fear and dire

You chase me through the darkness, and I can’t get away
Like a horror movie, you hunt me down and force me to stay
Screams like a psycho lost all control and sense of decency
Your anger and fury is the cause of my heart’s vacancy

Beneath your anger, I do know there is sorrow and sadness
But please stop blaming me for all your mental madness
Stop forcing me to be a certain way to please your will
Keep acting this way, and my affection and love, you will kill!

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Longing for Oneness

Paralysed when I don’t hear from you
My words of insecurity I can’t undo
Tough as concrete but nothing new
You are not just one but quite a few!

The story is the same with many different faces
But seeing it in you, I can’t look at other places
I want you back in my life, as with my presence
When will I fully be love? Be fully my essence?

Will you come back and be my heart’s vocation?
Or must I stay forever in this prison of penalisation?
Or is my freedom in the ‘not escaping’ sensation?
Life is freedom if not lived in paralysing separation

In longing for oneness, I see I long for you ‘man’
who can open my being; is it something you can?
And can I let you love me fully into fluidity once again?
Then my love will expand without being sprained

I often wonder if my longing for hearing from you
Could be healed just by deeply knowing my blue
In reality, is a gateway to my heartbeating’s glue
Realising being with myself IS to be with you too

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry


Scars on my body I’ve been afraid to share
If you would reject me, I couldn’t bear
I try all I can to heal the unloved and damaged
but the scars of my life let my freedom banished

Scars on my soul I’ve been afraid to share
If you would in truth turn out not to care
I try to heal the distorted, the needy vanity
but the scars of my life throws me into insanity

Scars in my heart I’ve been afraid to share
If you of my loneliness became aware
I try so hard to heal the void in my heart
by loving my scars, to love them as art

Thanking the scars for playing their part
In showing me where I from love am apart
For their unspoken ability to tell me the truth
“We, your scars, are your story but not truly you”

Original artwork, Original poetry

The Carousel of Love

So here I am again, thrown off the carousel of love
Lying here on my own with bruises no one knows of
Why was I not able to hold on to this magnificent ride?
I melted in your sweetness, was ready to pay the price

And even though I am now experienced in these hard crash landings
I still believe I fell with a dizzy head full of misunderstandings
And I believe, if I could just find clarity deep within my heart
We would still be on the ride together, not being separate, apart

But when I listen to the intuition of my soul and being
I know there’s something deep within I keep myself from seeing
And If I could just make the prison guards of my heart look away
I would ride the carousel of love with you again one day

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Little People

Little man and little woman
Longing for recognition from one another
“Tell me I am pretty, tell me you love me“
And dare you take those words away from me

Little man and little woman
So much out of yourself, you have lost all power
Lost yourself in the other
Reducing yourself to half a heart

Little man and little woman
So ignorant of your own immense power
So swirled up in the belief of half
Lost touch with your wholeness of being

Little man and little woman
How can you love one another if your heart is half?
How can love flow from your being if you are not present?
If you are wrapped up in stories of yesterday?

Little man and little woman
Don’t reduce yourself to such little people
Don’t do to yourself what your perpetrators did to you
Be the one you always wished would save you

Little man and little woman
Why not realize your immense beauty and power?
Why not recognize that you deep down are fulfilled?
That you are the one you have been looking for?

Little man and little woman
It is time to realize that you are not such little people
Realize that you are the unconditionally loving presence
let this knowing penetrate all your layers of bewilderment

Little man and little woman
Stop living these small lives
Fall deeper into being
You are the miracles of greatness!

You are, in truth, all but little!

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Violet Flames

Violet flames you burn all that’s unloved so I again can rise above
The stuck, fragmented and shoved, transforming pain into your love
Your violet flame has my being perfused, infusing me with a radiant truth
That all I hold on to in bringing feelings of sooth, it is now time to truly undo
Violet flames you are transforming my frights, into the sacred of all holy lights
I am burning to ashes my will and my frights, no longer scared of evil and heights
No longer letting my-self being bruised; no longer letting my-self be reduced
In your violet fire, I am seduced to live with your powerful truth perfused
No longer reducing myself to a peasant, in truth I am love and light in your essence
Violet flames in your evanescence, I am transformed in the light of your presence

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

I am Not the Cause of Pain

Something sits so deep within, I can’t escape the feeling
That it’s my fault that he’s in pain, that I obstruct his healing
That I am the cause of all his sadness, anger, pain and stress
If only I could be more love, more perfect, he would find rest

It is like deep within ‘my little child’ has this ‘mental stain’
Convinced that it is her fault her parents are in pain
Convinced that if she just were better her mother wouldn’t leave
Her father wouldn’t be depressed, and he would not retrieve

The trauma of abandonment has created this illusion of the mind
A story of imperfections and rejections that I seem unable to rewind
Unable to untangle me from my own and his illusions
I feed the beast of separateness with narratives of confusions

But when I feel deep within, not trying to escape the feeling
The confusion vanishes and reveals an opportunity for healing
To see that it’s not my imperfections that are the root course
To other beings’ vibrational pain of losing contact with ‘the source’

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.