Original artwork, Original poetry

A Dreamer’s Death

I don’t want to live
And I don’t want to die
I’m killing myself
With self-hate and lies
I’ve been so alone
Saw no one else here
Been so alone
That I had nothing to fear
But you gave me hope
Believed in my dreams
And I took it all in me
Unwise as it now seems
‘Cause the dreams disappeared
Each time you saw away
Like you couldn’t keep your promises
And make the dreams stay

I don’t want to live
And I don’t want to die
My dreams are hiding
A place much much too high
You made me a dreamer
But I am a naive and foolish one
Now too much a dreamer
To see reality beyond
But a dreamer without dreams
Is like laying in the grave
You must bring them back
Aren’t they worth to save?
You believed in them
Or was it just a lie?
I love you too much
So don’t let me die!

© 2021 Original artwork and poetry by heartlightpoetry. All rights reserved.

(This poem is from an old collection of mine, written in my late teens/ early twenties during the time of the new millennium).

Original artwork, Original poetry

Sometimes

Sometimes ‘sorry’ isn’t good enough
It’s just a word to say when you don’t know what else to do
But what can I do with your words
When my words can’t get through to you?

Sometimes I just need you to hold me
Hold me tight like you never let me go
I want to be the only one for you
But there are many others, I know

Sometimes I fear the future
Will it be alone, or will it be with you
I know I must forgive the past
But how? Please tell me what to do

Sometimes I cry lonely tears
I wonder why ‘cause you are near
Or is it just my imagination?
Perhaps the truth is what I fear?

Sometimes ‘sorry’ can’t heal my heart
I try to forgive but don’t know what to do
‘Cause I don’t trust you anymore
Though I love you, why can’t you love me too?

© 2021 Original artwork and poetry by heartlightpoetry. All rights reserved.

(This poem is from an old collection of mine, written in my late teens/ early twenties during the time of the new millennium).

Original artwork, Original poetry

A Pray for Love

If you just were here today
I would do anything to make you stay
But you are always so far away
The only thing I can do is pray

Pray to God that you will see
That it is meant to be you and me
Oh God, I’m too free
It can’t be the way it has to be

It has to be something more
Than just another open door
I can’t describe what it was I saw
I just never felt this way before

Before I saw this new start
I was totally apart
You said you were a doctor, so smart
And then I gave you my broken heart

But you couldn’t see it was a broken one
‘Cause doctor, you just said for fun
And I was shining like a sun
‘Cause I had found my loved one

But things couldn’t be my way
I could not stay
I just hope to see you again one day
Oh God, I pray

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

(This poem is from an old collection of mine, written in my late teens/ early twenties during the time of the new millennium).

Original artwork, Original poetry

Healing the Layers Within

I can feel there are layers within me I just can’t reach
Layers of deep sadness there just won’t cease

Even though the outer layers are calm and collected
The deepest layer feels so frightened and unprotected

It longs to feel the sweetness of being
In all I am embracing, feeling and seeing

The sweet nectar of love, union and bliss
Now chocolate and sugar are the replacement for this

Unfortunately, this sweetness doesn’t last very long
And leaves me more empty and depressed after on

Indulging in this artificial and addictive behaviour
I have to deeply realise this is not my true saviour

And dare to feel the deep layers of hurt and hardness
To live my life truthfully in softness and vastness

To not escape the heavy prison of the unsettled mind
But transform it into the loving light and the bliss that is behind

Then even the deepest layer will not be captive of the dungeon’s fiction
And I can start living fully again despite pain, mental struggle and friction

I’ll fall deeper and deeper into the space of the heart
And let every layer of my being fall lovingly apart

Returning to oneness will be the faith of my soul
I’ll finally be healed, blissful and whole!

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

The Key to Her Heart

Why does my inner child still believe she is apart?
And looks for that someone with the key to her heart?
That lost little girl just waiting for you to take her hand
Believes she can’t survive if she on her own has to stand

But what that little girl just don’t catch
Is that no one outside has a key that’s a match
All along, I have been the one holding the key
The love she longs for is inside of me!

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

The Only Picture Left of You

I stroke your chin on my mobile phone
The only picture left of you
Reality hit so hard, I had to face the truth
Our love was never cut in stone…

I look in your eyes on my mobile phone
The only picture left of you
Why couldn’t you be the man I adored?
I saw your potential but should have known…

I kiss your lips on my mobile phone
The only picture left of you
I still feel your presence so strong
But our love was only on loan…

I hold your essence on my mobile phone
The only picture left of you
I feel the void, a contraction in my being
Painfully cutting deep to the bone!

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

To My Inner Child

I am sorry for leaving you
I didn’t know any better
But I am here for you now
I will not judge you, Ignore you
Project on to you, like they do!

I will thank them and let them be
So I can take care of what’s in me
You, my dear, my sweet innocent child
I’ll never leave you again
So much hurt I caused, you had to flee!

Forgive me, dear child, I was lost
But I’m coming home now
I’ll hold you, love, and protect you
You’re no longer threatened on your survival
My flight has had too high a cost!

Now rest peacefully in my presence
This is a new beginning
I am no longer lost in the world
You, my dear, are my light shining bright
You are my joy and my essence!

It is time to laugh, play and be
My inner child, I am here now
I am home again to stay
The nightmare is over
You are finally free!

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

A Letter of Goodbye

I am sorry for creating a world of fury and fire
It hurt me when you ignored me and ran away
Your detachment made my pain rise higher
Couldn’t understand why you didn’t stay

A pain so high I lost my own sense of being
The trauma of not having worth
Disturbed the truth my heart was seeing
A disturbance constructed at birth

But my heart does see you didn’t mean to cause me pain
And your escape was never about my worth
But just your own paranoia, which was insane
And inhibited something new to be nourished to birth

I guess it happened ’cause my soul needed to learn
That when losing my heart in a man who can’t stay true
I’ll be in hell until the day my karmic imprint will burn
Till the day, all my patterns of trauma undo

I do believe I am still with you in your mind
And that you are suffering as well
’Cause something was so true and rare to find
But the disturbance made us both fell

In the end, the beauty of the situation revealed
That it was never really about you to set me free
But my own opening within, which used to be sealed
That now, I am open to embracing fully being me

Despite I’ll miss what we were and had
The bond we shared and the truth underneath
I thank you while still being in shock and sad
Connecting to the earth under my feet

’Cause I know, one day the contraction will transform
Into openness, wholeness and expansion once more
When something new is ready to be born and grow
The beauty and bliss I will again be and adore!

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Who Are You?

I don’t know you
Don’t understand you
But what is not ‘you’
What is the true you
I see that
And I see myself in that
That I long to belong to

So why need answers
To who you are?

Because you hurt
‘The little me’
And that little one
Wants answers
Answers to how you could
Leave her open heart
Out in the cold
Just like her father did
Which made her feel so lost

So lost
So lost
Who are you?
Who are you?
Who are you?!

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Healing the wound deep within

I have a wound in my being
Which affects my blood and sight
All that flows through me
All that I am seeing
Is your neglect
Your disrespect
Devaluing my essence
How can I ever trust myself
In your arms again?
How can I end my projections?

I must return home
To heal my wound
So I can start to feel and see
The true reality around me
That you don’t mean to cause me harm
And what I put on you
Merely is a reflection of my inner self
An unloving internal voice
Subconsciously convinced
That I am not worthy of your love

Oblivious to the fact
that I am already this love
That I don’t need you for my
Emotional survival
Break this mirror of illusion
I want to heal my wound
To live authentically again
Valuing, respecting and loving
The essence I shine from within
Shedding this victim narrative
Bringing back my power

The journey has started…

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.