(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).
I have to realise that you are way too much in fear The games your mind play mean you can’t have me near I appreciate ‘our space’ but know I have to let you go I have to find my strength, that I to my own heart owe
I owe my heart to be with ‘you’ Who can love me so fully all my patterns undo Who can be authentic, distinguishable from the ‘coof’ A grownup manifesting the love of truth!
Until the day ‘you’ will appear I’ll love my heart and all its fear I’ll be the wholeness of a burning presence For ‘you’ to appear in the light of my essence
Then we can flow into the play of love Manifesting qualities from high above The light will shine through me, and I’ll know I’m not lost Being true to my heart no matter the cost!
You destroy our love with your anger and rage Your damaged mind keep me encaged You force me to leave and force me to stay Force me to listen, to look, to obey
Your anger so violently perfuses my space My heart closes down while you argue your case Screaming, demanding, but in truth falling short A master of destruction while you bring me to court
Asking me to justify a lifetime of hurt and unfairness Your victimhood story on repeat without any awareness I don’t want your pain, anger and frustration under my skin I am not your perpetrator, your enemy, your mental bin
Your powerful energies of destruction get trapped In my body as hardness, my lifeforce gets tapped It activates so much fear in my mind, and being Your destructive energies are all that I am seeing
I run away to let the wind of peace blow my fears away But when I return home ‘the angry Hulk’ shows his dismay In a blink of an eye, you raise your hand in furry and fire A scary scene from my life filled with sadness, fear and dire
You chase me through the darkness, and I can’t get away Like a horror movie, you hunt me down and force me to stay Screams like a psycho lost all control and sense of decency Your anger and fury is the cause of my heart’s vacancy
Beneath your anger, I do know there is sorrow and sadness But please stop blaming me for all your mental madness Stop forcing me to be a certain way to please your will Keep acting this way, and my affection and love, you will kill!
In killing Medusa we can’t look at her straight As turning to stone would be our faith To transform our immobility response and then heal We must fist our trauma and deepest fear feel
But like Perseus, we must listen to the Wisdom Goddess To not hunt Medusa head-on and stay true to this promise In completing the immobility response to heal our trauma We must follow our symptoms but not fight our karma
When Perseus killed Medusa two creatures arose from her loss Chrysaor, the golden sword of truth and Pegasus, the winged horse Symbols of warrior power, and how to escape our limitations How to be brave, to live in fearlessness and transcendence
The myth of Medusa is a hero/heroine tale of trauma healing Which is not a pathology but a true opportunity for unsealing And transforming our deepest unconscious energy and unfreeze Our full karmic imprint; killing Medusa IS trauma release
Hello – Just wanted to know if you are near? I am finally alone without all the screaming in my ear All I long for is to be out of this madness Embracing love, letting go of my sadness
Hello – Just wanted to tell you I am here Saying yes to this love despite of my fear Despite of all the tightness I feel inside I no longer wish to make riddles, to run or to hide
Hello – Are you real and are you here? Or are you just an illusion vanished in fear? I feel so much beauty and how it again is to thrive The presence within you is transforming my life
Heartlight Poetry 