Original poetry, Original artwork

When?

When will I start writing about the light in my heart?
When will I start drawing smiley faces, like a joyful Christmas card?

When will I surround my children with a warm and grounded presence?
When will I stop being dissociated and out of touch with my essence?

When will I find happiness and peace in the depth of my heart?
When will I realise that every moment represents a new start?

When will I stop feeling choked by this mental infection?
When will I learn just to show myself some affection?

When will I realise I am not to avoid the pain of predicament?
When will I stop diminishing myself in this mental imprisonment?

When will I learn to take care of my separated heart without drugs?
When will I realise my mental rehab needs more love than just hugs?

When will I know whether this inner pain will stay or be gone?
When will I surrender my heart to all, not just some?

When will I begin to feel alive, vibrant and joyful again?
When will my ‘when’ be a ‘now’ and not ‘then’?

When will I be fully me, fulfilled, shining, loving and free?
When will I need nothing more than what my heart can see?

When will my painted faces smile with ecstasy?
When will heart light be my only lived reality?

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Expectations

So much sadness inside my embodied being
You have no idea the amount of pain I’m freeing
And through this, you expect me to be social and free
While emotional disturbances are eating the inside of me!

How can’t you see my well of bottomless despair
That I am so broken beyond repair?
You want me to contribute to a life of more than just surviving
Don’t you see, it presupposes me being peaceful and thriving?

It’s like these traumatic times in the world of outside
Resonates in my being, like I live through this vibe
And in this, I try to find acceptance and peace
That my life was never meant to be lived with ease

But it triggers me whenever you suggest I should be more
When you can see, I can’t hardly raise myself up from the floor
“You never do anything nice for me, and I always have to give”
Is that your narrative of the life you want to live?

A victim game of who has the most unfulfilled expectation
Is this truly how you want us to have a relation?
Why can’t you accept we shouldn’t continue feeding this pain?
Please, realise I only ask for your help so I won’t go insane!

It is so hard to live life on the edge of succeeding
Caring for someone else’s need, who keeps your wounds bleeding
When voices inside my head keep on saying: “you are not good enough”
Makes it, when you also say it, excruciating tough!

Please know, I would prefer not to have these emotional reactions
To be whole and grounded instead of split into fractions
But life throughs me down these steep hills of depression
So instead of moving forward, I go into regression!

Trust me, I don’t mean to blame you or say you are wrong
And I don’t mean to ask for strength when you’re not feeling strong
But please stop your stories of me and of how I should be
And accept my bounded life despite yours being free!

Accept my heavy sadness covering my bliss and being
And trust that I am more than what your eyes are seeing
Please stop your projections, reactions and constraint
Life is so much bigger than these dark colours we paint!

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.