Original artwork, Original poetry

It’s just Breadcrumbs!

Hit by your nagging and disturbed perception
So what if there is a little mess, some crumbs on the table?
Some bowls which need cleaning, a messy cable?
Our home is not a sterile doctor’s reception

We get so bruised by your OCD anxiety attack
Your irritation and anger fuel the air with a toxic smoke
You force us to close the windows, to prepare for a stroke
When I want out, you overrule me, and you force me right back

It is so overpowering, so destructive in its essence
It saddens me you only see the dirt and messy living
Instead of all the love and beauty, we are giving
How many ‘meltdowns’ before you’ve learned your lesson?

I have had it with your small-mindedness and your dilution
What you give your energy to is just so small seen from our true state
In this world of wonder, you only on the breadcrumbs fixate
I wish you could laugh at yourself and your unconscious confusion

May your uneasy mind find rest from this unnecessary evil
And may all the mess and breadcrumbs of this life manifested
Bring transformation and peace to your mind so infested
Crumbs or people, we are your teachers; embrace the upheaval!

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

The Victim Game

So, this is how we communicate now? On public forums as the place?
It is so easy, isn’t it? When in real life, you show a totally different face!

Your beautiful words, “I see you, I love you”, turn into a comedy
when in real life, you can’t handle my vulnerability!

Despite accepting that what has happened has been a shock
You tell me to get over it – to suck it up!

“Get over yourself – being alone with the kids was hard on me too”
Is this now a competition? Is this how you want me to meet you?

Yes, it was hard- your brain clearly showed you couldn’t handle the strain
But in scolding me for sharing my heart – what are you trying to gain?

Seeing you become defensive and judgmental to the bone
when being vulnerable myself makes my heart small and turn into stone!

When sharing with you my fantasies of being alone or running away
it is only ‘course I long for you to hold me and say that things will be okay

You can’t force my feelings away with anger or spiritual dissonancy
They persist as long as you deny to hold them in real life’s poetry

I just long for you to show me that you can see and understand
When I can’t communicate in words, that you can just “BE” with what I am

But you get angry and hurt, blaming and defending instead
“you don’t see me – and I don’t need to share what is in my head”

You try to fix me by telling me to be with what IS – find the strength to stay
But when my life is bleeding, on so many levels, you run away…

And I don’t need you to fix me or give me space – it just shows you don’t understand
what my heart longs for in a relationship with MAN

‘BE present’ is not the same as suppressing the ghosts from the past
REAL change happens when we are soft, loving and vast

You don’t seem to get that when my system broke
It was not just caused by the shock of you having a stroke!

Don’t let your own guilt tell me that I am stuck in a moment that has been!
It is the challenges of coping with everyone’s frustration that leave me struggling!

It is not either because I am ‘on a constant mission’ – your words, not mine!
BE present yourself, BE love and compassion – and I might feel fine!

You see, that is why I tell you that you don’t see me through
The moment is NOW and has nothing to do with you!

You are not the main character in the story of my life!
I am alone on my journey as me, a mother and wife!

I wish I could travel on that journey with you holding my hand
But how is that possible with my feelings being banned?

I do see the lights that we are, but don’t reject my shadow of reflection
It will not advance our love’s ecological succession

We are both playing the victim game when not being fully aware
That the support and love we long for is already here!

(This poem is a reply to another blogger’s poem “Be Present” and was created about 1.5 years back. Besides the eulogy to my father, It was the first poem written after a 20-year-old break in writing poetry, and just like my earliest creations, inspired by a very challenging time of my life).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Loosening the Rope

Ten years ago, I found my father dead
Standing with his back towards me
With a rope around his neck

Ten years have passed since I found him this way
Standing with the rope around him
That still strangles me today

For ten years, I’ve lived with this closure in my being
From a shock, preventing me from sensing pain
But also from sensing smell, a sense so freeing

Ten years of losing life and light of love
May I now be healed, please
May love again shine through me from above

For ten years, I’ve lived with this frozen energy relation
It’s now time to lose the rope
and breath into a deeper joyful energy vibration!

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

In Memory of my Father

A eulogy to my father. This December it is now ten years ago my father committed suicide by hanging. This poem/ video tribute was my way of processing the pain, as well as sending my love and goodbye to him; A goodbye his sudden death never gave me a chance to say.

Credit for music: Osho & 4 Non Blondes

© 2021 Original artwork and poetry by heartlightpoetry. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Illusionary You

I have to throw up
Throw up all that I have inside
Throw up all my feelings!

Never shall I eat again
Eat the sadness of expectations
The sadness of an illusionary you!

All the time I’m breathing in my thoughts
My beliefs, breathing in my visions
I want to stop breathing all these feelings!

Never again shall I turn victimised
Victimised in the situation of you and I
An illusion that hurts me all the time

So I have to throw up
Throw up all I have inside
For every day, I’ve been fooled!

Then again I shall breathe in
All that I see is pure in me
And so release the illusion of you!

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Sorry, Thank You

Sorry for the tears you didn’t understand
For the feelings that were too far from land
For the love, you weren’t ready to receive
For being only in your own belief

Sorry for realising you were not right
Sorry for the pain I didn’t see, or have denied
Can’t see clearly for the tear in my eye
We both know it’s time to say goodbye

Thank you for the tears you took in
For the feelings, you didn’t judge as a sin
For the love, you were ready to give
For the love, you were ready to receive

Thank you for trying even though I had to go
For filling my heart and letting it grow
Please tell me I won’t fait in your heart
That we’ll be together even though we’ll be apart

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Blind Way

I’m crying
You turn your eyes
I’m hurting
You laugh, I die
I’m bleeding
Forever inside!

Our love is walking
On a blind way…

I’m screaming
But can’t escape my pain
You’re laughing
I must be going insane
Have I ever felt this way?
You are scaring me

But I’ll stay with you
On the blind way…

I’m crying
You turn your eye
I’m hurting
You laugh, I die!
Can’t give up my fight
Please tell me how to walk away

How to walk away
From the blind way…

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Cold Man

If you don’t accept it’s your life
You’ll never get what you want
Never feel satisfied with what you have
With me in your life or not, you’ll be sad

When accepting things as they are
They are actually not so bad
If you always want more than you have
You’ll only be lonely and sad…

Being cold only makes it worse
You hurt yourself as much as me
Believe in yourself and your life
Set your happiness free!

Inside you know you are cold
Believing it’s the only way to survive
Stop running away from yourself
Don’t let your words be a lie!

Why punish me for your dissatisfaction
Please realise it’s not me but you
I’m sorry when things have been hard
But only you can change what you do!

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Picture

That’s her life
I hope she is happy
Wonder if she knows
She’s got it?

Life living life
With mirrors
Breathing in
Out she goes…

That is her move
That is her light
Wonder if her choice
One day will end her cries?

Feelings with feelings
All-around
Never see the places
Always hear a sound…

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Love

I love sitting
With you
In the airport terminal
So excited about
Where we are going to go
Together…

I love standing
With you
At the train station
Ready to go
Out where we
Have never been before
Together…

I love l lying
With you
In our bed
Ready to feel
What we have never
Felt before
Together…

I love
The smile in your eyes

I love
the strength of your life

I love
Your love has no size

With you I am
With you I stand
With you I see
All the beauty in me…

(This poem is from an old collection of mine. It was written in 2003 and was the last poem written in my youth (from 1998-2003). Originally the drawing had a title ”Why don’t you want me?”, which reflected the deep feeling of neglect and loneliness I experienced through my youth).

© 2022 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.