Original artwork, Original poetry

A Letter of Goodbye

I am sorry for creating a world of fury and fire
It hurt me when you ignored me and ran away
Your detachment made my pain rise higher
Couldn’t understand why you didn’t stay

A pain so high I lost my own sense of being
The trauma of not having worth
Disturbed the truth my heart was seeing
A disturbance constructed at birth

But my heart does see you didn’t mean to cause me pain
And your escape was never about my worth
But just your own paranoia, which was insane
And inhibited something new to be nourished to birth

I guess it happened ’cause my soul needed to learn
That when losing my heart in a man who can’t stay true
I’ll be in hell until the day my karmic imprint will burn
Till the day, all my patterns of trauma undo

I do believe I am still with you in your mind
And that you are suffering as well
’Cause something was so true and rare to find
But the disturbance made us both fell

In the end, the beauty of the situation revealed
That it was never really about you to set me free
But my own opening within, which used to be sealed
That now, I am open to embracing fully being me

Despite I’ll miss what we were and had
The bond we shared and the truth underneath
I thank you while still being in shock and sad
Connecting to the earth under my feet

’Cause I know, one day the contraction will transform
Into openness, wholeness and expansion once more
When something new is ready to be born and grow
The beauty and bliss I will again be and adore!

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Who Are You?

I don’t know you
Don’t understand you
But what is not ‘you’
What is the true you
I see that
And I see myself in that
That I long to belong to

So why need answers
To who you are?

Because you hurt
‘The little me’
And that little one
Wants answers
Answers to how you could
Leave her open heart
Out in the cold
Just like her father did
Which made her feel so lost

So lost
So lost
Who are you?
Who are you?
Who are you?!

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Healing the wound deep within

I have a wound in my being
Which affects my blood and sight
All that flows through me
All that I am seeing
Is your neglect
Your disrespect
Devaluing my essence
How can I ever trust myself
In your arms again?
How can I end my projections?

I must return home
To heal my wound
So I can start to feel and see
The true reality around me
That you don’t mean to cause me harm
And what I put on you
Merely is a reflection of my inner self
An unloving internal voice
Subconsciously convinced
That I am not worthy of your love

Oblivious to the fact
that I am already this love
That I don’t need you for my
Emotional survival
Break this mirror of illusion
I want to heal my wound
To live authentically again
Valuing, respecting and loving
The essence I shine from within
Shedding this victim narrative
Bringing back my power

The journey has started…

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Midlife Crisis?

Is this a midlife crisis?
Or just awareness rising?
A post-traumatic stress responds
In letting go of all my ‘wants’?

Something has changed deep within
Which releases all that’s been
And opens up for something new
A deeper calling to be true

True to my heart’s stillness and peace
And it’s longing for life in blissful ease
Where all that’s real will stay and thrive
And the old distorted will vanish and die

So is this a midlife crisis?
Or just awareness rising?
A post-traumatic stress responds
In letting go of all my ‘wants’?

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

The Illusion Burst

I lost myself in you
And now it hurts
Reality came true
And the illusion burst

Finally, we together could be
But like a scared hunted deer
You couldn’t even look at me
All you projected were fear

I was out of my essence
In shock of what I just saw
Your former strong presence
Vanished and exposed your flaw

That you were never anything but a vision
And in reality, falling short
That you were just a man on a mission
Ignoring your heart with your thought

Letting your mind’s paranoia and fear
Control your body, heart and being
Making sure I couldn’t come you near
Only the void of love I am seeing

So painful to realise and see
How I lost myself again to ‘man’
That in truth, we could never be a ‘we’
Your paranoia my heart can’t withstand

Like a scared hunted deer
In the woods, you vanished
You couldn’t have me near
My true being was banished

I lost myself in you
And now it hurts
Reality came true
And the illusion burst!

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Can’t Escape the Pain

No drugs can release the feeling of depression and fear
Why do I lose myself so much when you are not here?
I wish I could drown my feelings in sugar and drugs
Though in truth, I know what I need is my own love and hugs

Why have I left myself so isolated and frozen?
Why has my soul this lonely life chosen?
So dissociated, so sad and confused
Feeling fatigued, frustrated, used

The same soundtrack of melancholic lines
Repeatedly display my thoughts and rewind
All the unhappy places I wished I left behind
It consumes my being, the truth of love I cannot find

Feeling sick to the bone in your absence of presence
I said I’d be fine, but that’s only true when I live from my essence
And the opening in my heart when you were here
Left a hole of emptiness, struggle and despair

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Karma Release

I know they didn’t mean to cause me sorrow and pain
But it’s so deeply ingrained that it flows through my veins
It’s a karmic imprint at the base of my being
The truth of love and light I no longer am seeing

Like a crack in a clay jaw, a ray of light might occasionally shine through
But only with the idea and thought of an imaginary you
You who could love the unloved, who could be all that I need
But in truth, it’s just an illusion with an unstoppable hunger I feed

The sorrow and pain they put me through growing up
Has left a reservoir of disturbed emotions keeping my lifeforce stuck
It’s like a filter of hurt to watch the world trough
So what they did back then, I now see in you too

I know you told me you didn’t mean to cause me harm and sadness
But the story repeats in my head’s heavy madness
I wanna break free, find the strength to undo what I am seeing
To crack the jaw open, so light of love can flow through my being

The flow of love shall come from deep within my heart
So I no longer look outward for healing my broken parts
To recognise the truth that everyone just wanna be love
But life broke them too, so they had no more to give of

So I’ll practise ending my story of love being mugged
A narrative of abandonment, of someone broken and unloved
I’ll remove the filter from the eyes of my being
So what no longer serves me, I am lovingly freeing

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Lost My True Being

This is not my true face, but it is all you are seeing
Not recognising my softness, my bliss, my true being
Can I blame you when all you see is this dark shield of sorrow?
The anger and sadness have killed my hope for a better tomorrow

My eyes are so red from crying you can’t see the blue
The union of love where I was there with you
My skin has turned black from the thoughts in my mind
I long for my true being that I am not able to find

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

My Own Reflection

I know you don’t want contact
‘Cause you’re going through your own stuff
But being without you also feels rough
After being in presence, after opening up

Why do you feel the need to retreat
Can’t you be open when being in need?
This pattern of being all and then non
Is a pattern we share, but it’s not very fun

What does it take to undo this imprint of relating
So I no longer live my life longing and waiting?
I need to deeply realise that you are just a projection
That in truth, you are nothing but my own reflection

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.

Original artwork, Original poetry

Don’t You Care?

I know you don’t wanna hear from me
‘Cause your life fills you up
But I am walking around alone in the night
Longing to tell you my heart is in shock
That I am encaged with sadness and fright

It pains me you vanished when I needed you here
To share how much hurt he has caused me
That it saddens my heart, that it’s too hard to bear
But you’re oblivious to what you can’t feel or see
What does this mean? Do you really not care?

The feelings of falling short echoes through my mind
When your presence is so disturbed and mistuned
I am penetrated with a feeling that you do not care
No longer present or with my heart attuned
Not sure if I any longer your absence can bear

I know I my own presence must find
To take care of the hurt penetrating my being
To let go of the idea that you should come to my rescue
That it is my own love for myself and my sons that is freeing
The aversions, the longing, the soul-pain tattoo

So I am walking at night with my son in my hand
Kissed by the mild wind and the soft sound of the waves
Don’t really want to go back to our home
At sea, I feel free; back there, I’m encaged
‘Cause at home his madness turn my being to stone

The lesson is now how to stay free and strong
Through the fire and fury, he puts me through
And how not to lose touch of my own blissful being
Even in the absence, I so clearly feel from you
That I am the one my heart longs to be seeing

© 2021 Original painting and poetry by heartlight.blog. All rights reserved.